Lenny Dykstra, my former favorite Met, and a repeat criminal of epic proportions, was sentenced to three years in prison for grand theft auto.
This caps off a list of crimes that includes DUI, solicitation of a prostitute, sexual harassment, indecent exposure, check fraud, identity theft, drug possession, obstruction of justice, vandalism and naming his son “Cutter.”
He will begin serving three years, while facing an additional 80 for any number of the felonies and misdemeanors listed above.
So, we should welcome Lenny to his new house. Here are some prison nicknames for my former hero:
- Fill-me Fanatic
- Bitch-ell Report
- The Growth Hormone
- Flushing Met-hose
- Juan Slamwell
- Dyke
- Chaw Cheeks
- Wally’s Back-man
- Nails
That’s not nearly enough. Please help me ...